2021-11-08 Crianza centrada en el niño vs. Crianza centrada en valores Una de las más recientes tendencias en la crianza se centra en el niño mismo, sus necesidades y gustos. Qué tal ha funcionado? Qué hemos aprendido? Y... qué significa trabajar centrados en valores? Te invitamos a conocer este tema de gran relevancia este lunes 8 de noviembre a las 5 pm Como en tantas áreas, en la crianza de los niños ha habido movimientos que van de un extremo al otro. En el pasado la educación de los niños era un tema que ni se consideraba tema! Los niños crecían paralelamente a la vida de los adultos, y nadie opinaba nada. Los niños se acoplaban a lo que los adultos decidìan y cuidadito y se hacian notar! Como decìa un dicho: A los niños se les debe poder ver pero no oír… Sabemos que ahi andan pero no se atrevan a dar lata, a que tengamos que ocuparnos de ustedes. The child centered movement was an alternative to what is sometimes called “adult-centered parenting”. En resumen, In adult-centered parenting, parents set the rules and children are expected to follow them. In contrast, child-centered parenting is parenting organized around the needs and interests of the child, rather than those of the parent. Some parents say they're too busy to take care of themselves (e.g., taking time to get exercise) because they're always driving their kids from place to place. They are loath to inconvenience their children by dropping them off at their grandparents' so they can take a long weekend for themselves. They avoid getting their kids upset by insisting that they pick up their toys in an overly cluttered, messy room. They tolerate cell phones at the dinner table, así como . In short, they operate on a child-centered basis. Too many parents experience difficulties because they make decisions on the basis of what their children want instead of what is good for the family unit. These parents believe, "I should do whatever it takes to make my children happy." Ironically, many children whose parents hold this belief grow up to be less happy than others. They don't learn to respect and honor the needs and desires of other people. They believe the world owes them something. They get easily frustrated when thwarted. They handle disappointment poorly. They expect that everything should go their way. Research shows that there is a rather large paradox in child-centered parenting. Parents who emphasize loving care over high expectations tend to have more conflict in their homes than not. This is because child-centered parenting often follows a predictable pattern. Mom will ask Sofía to clean her room, but Sofía doesn't want to. Out of love, mom lets Sofía put off cleaning until later. Then mom asks Sofia again. Sofi promises to do it later. Finally, mom gets frustrated and screams, "clean you room right now!" When Sofia resists (and why wouldn't she -- she's learned she doesn't have to comply with mom's requests!), an argument brews. There are several reasons why many American parents endorse child-centered parenting. Child-centered parents want to foster children's autonomy, initiative and creativity. Such parents often feel that children learn best when they actively discover things for themselves. As a result, they feel that too much parental direction can undercut a child's autonomy. As a result, child-centered parents adopt a less directive role. To borrow a phrase from child-centered education movement, they choose to be the “guide on the side” rather than the “sage on the stage”. Parents love their children. When we love someone, we want the best for them. Sometimes, parents feel that loving children means making them experience good feelings and protecting them from bad feelings. Similarly, parents often believe that children need to feel good about themselves – have positive self-esteem – before they can be successful. As a result, parents often try to praise children whenever possible. They withhold critical feedback out of fear that it might damage a child's self-esteem Some parents think of their children as if they were “little adults” who have rights that are more-or-less the same as adults. Such parents tend to see their child more-or-less as equals. As a result, they may feel that directing their children means imposing their values on their children. For such parents, this means infringing on a child's right to make his or her own choices. [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/child-centered-family-pitfalls_b_828409](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/child-centered-family-pitfalls_b_828409) Judith S. Beck, PhD, Contributor World Expert in CBT and President of Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy *** While these ideas were born of good intentions, they are deeply flawed. And while each of these ideas contains an element of truth, they are only half truths. It is true that children act out of curiosity, but without parental guidance, children cannot learn to go beyond their comfort zones and learn about things that do not interest them. It is true that children need loving parents who are sensitive to their emotions, but they also need adults who teach them control de impulsos, seguir reglas, how to cope with hardship, struggle and failure. And it is true that children have rights, but these rights are different from adults' rights. Parents need to be both directive and supportive; to have high expectations and provide loving care; to praise success but also teach children how to cope with and persevere through failure; to respect children and embrace the legitimacy of their parental authority. Children come into the world como un libro abierto, listo para desarrollarse. They need the active direction and sensitive support of loving parents to help complete them. Aqu´ì entra un concepto de KJP Valores Cuando … tenemos certeza, tenemos claridad… porque nuestros valores nos guían en la vida Y los valores no se enseñan como una materia separada del curriculum… están inmersos en nuestra vida cotidiana Los aplicamos sin darnos cuenta… o aveces, por no darnos cuenta, no los aplicamos en el momento adecuado Es hora de recoger el cuarto Sofía no quiere hacerlo. Si yo estoy conciente de la importancia de generar en ella colaboración, sobreponerse a la flojera, seguir las instrucciones… insisto en que lo haga. No necesito darle gritos, siempre hay maneras. Pero me mantienen firme mis valores: yo valoro que ella reconozca la importancia del orden, de soreponerse a la flojera, de seguir instrucciones aunque no me apetezca. Cuando tienes tus valores claros, es fácil decir: en nuestra familia, siempre cuidamos nuestras cosas, y las ponemos en su lugar “En nuestra familia… “ Cultura familiar Si no tienes claros tus valores, fíjate cómo tomas decisiones: Una mamá toma decisiones todos los días, desde lo grande hasta lo pequeño Por qué te decidiste por una cierta escuela? Cómo decides lo que come tu familia? Por qué decidieron ir a cierto lugar, reunirse con ciertas personas, escoger ciertos pasatiempos..?? Cuando ponemos conciencia en nuestras decisiones podemos ver si actuamos desde nuestros valores, o simplemente si estamos dejándonos llevar por la corriente! Pregúntate las cosas grandes, y luego algunas de las pequeñas… Por qué esa pasta de dientes? Por qué ese tipo de ropa? Por qué celebramos Navidad? Por qué lo hacemos así? Y luego, puedes pensar en áreas de la vida: - en el juego: qué quiero inculcar en mis hijos? Cooperación, empatía, juego creativo - en el ambiente de la casa: cómo quiero que se sienta? - En nuestro trato entre nosotros: quieres que haya consideración, respeto, buen humor, - En nuestra familia... Si tienes esto claro, será más fácil tomar decisiones: cuando tu adolescente te diga, mamá, no quiero ir a la casa de los tíos a comer… ¿Qué les vas a contestar? - Haz una lista de áreas importantes: El juego.- inclusión, saber perder La familia.- escucharnos, respetar opiniones, orden en la casa, limpieza La escuela, el estudio El mundo.- cuidar el ambiente, paz, Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Merrimack College in North Andover, Massachusetts. [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/old-school-parenting-modern-day-families/201505/the-failure-child-centered-parenting](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/old-school-parenting-modern-day-families/201505/the-failure-child-centered-parenting)