Cuando las fotos y los videos ya son demasiados… Bienvenidos a Escuela Para Padres tu espacio de recursos e información para ayudarte a educar hijos saludables en el siglo 21 Las fotos y los videos… Cuando las fotos y los videos son ya demasiados… Soy Nora Hidalgo, fundadora de este espacio y el tema de hoy me parecía… no importante… hasta que me topé con estadísticas y con EVIDENCIA física… Hoy en día, los niños son fotografiados un promedio de 5,000 veces en sus primeros 5 años... les ayuda o les afecta de alguna manera? o ni se enteran? Exploremos esto y podremos prepararnos para tomar decisiones conscientes sobre este tema que casi nunca tocamos... Estando en un restaurante, llegó una familia de puros adultos… y una nena de como un año… Este es un restaurante en donde estábamos al exterior, en un jardín de esos de película… y claro, no se hicieron esperar las fotos Qué experimentamos cuando nos toman a nosotros una foto…?? Hay diversas opiniones, depende de qué tanto nos guste o no.. pero siempre, nos hace un poco conscientes de… el pelo, si me pinto los labios, o de cómo me pongo, sonrío, saco la lengua… nos hace conscientes de COMO ME VEO Guía para una familia perfecta… Se las recomiendo mucho\! Hay una escena que me interesa traer hoy… (presentar) Se vuelve más importante COMO ME VEO que el evento en si Estamos posando para que esa foto de Insta se vea bien, nos vestimos para las fotos, hablamos para los videos… Estamos en un gran evento, como una graduación, y desde el punto de vist ade los graduados, que pensarías que son jóvenes, pero pueden sers niños de maternal, qu se gradúan a kinder… desde su punto de vista … solo ven la parte de atrás del teléfono de TODOS los padres que están enfrente… Ya no ven sus caras… parecen figuras oscuras con caras como de robots. Y aquí está el adolescente o niño en este momento solemne e importante de su vida, y volteas a ver los ojos de tu madre… y solo ves su teléfono. Es un momento de celebración, solo ves su figura, cuando lo que buscas es su retroalimentación, sus ojos, compartir la alegría… Y nuestra propia experiencia detrás de la cámara… cuando tomas una foto NUNCA es tan lindo como la realidad… o no…? Yo ya no tengo tiernos hijitos chiquitos, pero tengo perritos… y bueno, si reviso mi teléfono.. Tengo fotos y fotos de la más chiquita\! Esta cuestión de las fotos Facilitado porque … son gratis, son instantáneas, son desechables… Sentimos ahora que TODO necesita ser fotografiado Que no podemos PERDER el momento… Pero si te das cuenta… en primer lugar, no siempre volvemos a ver las 200,000 fotos que tenemos tomadas… **when that really crosses the line?** and how ubiquitous it's become, and how difficult it is to really know when it's when it's just not okay anymore; when is it okay, when is it not okay to photograph a kids **this is a very individual decision of course, b**ut it did set me thinking because when children are in an experience….. just being so darn cute you know doing something with real vigor that's when we tend to pull out the phone because it's always with us right? so at any moment for so many of us we can pull out this phone and photograph it it's always available are in the olden days you had to go and get it I can try it right so it wasn't so easily done it so obvious right 1. **PRIMER PUNTO: sacarlos del FLOW, del inner experience** Our kids are in this experience they're having a moment of where they're being very creative, they doing something very active, it's just something we want to capture and noticed that word “capture” right this something in the word itself that we're capturing something, imprisoning something, so that's when the phone comes out but that is in some ways exactly the moment the phone shouldn't come out because the children are having an **inner experience** something that is going on for them, but the moment we are lifting them out of their inner experience Look honey\!\! But bc it is so special, we want to photograph it, Because we want to have these memories are captured memories, but the very Act of photographing it means we are at risk of of breaking the very thing that made it so compelling to pull out the phone and photograph. letting children's sink down into the inner experience is so important these days particularly because play, an inner experience, an activity is how kids basically do a little bit of a brain reset, a nervous system reset that's how they digest this world if we have photographing them it keeps their attention peripheral, it keeps their attentions superficial because they're aware they are being observed and that pulls them out of that deep creative space or at least it risks doing that and that's that's one of my major concerns about photographing and videoing kids so intensely, so often, as has become so normal. it's almost a little bit like we've become the parenting Paparazzi; following a kids around and they can't really have any private moments without the strong chance of us photographing, or videoing at And the parenting paparazzi is bad and unkind time I don't mean it to be to be able to be that of course risk we don't allow any private creative Quiet Moments in a child's life without photographing **this is my second Point** here without ‘turning them into family television screen and **Stage Stars** where everything a child does has to be filmed. know if we keep doing that and we're and we do it at such a volume it's so kids who become very caught in being filmed in other words it's almost like **they're watching themselves in a movie reel** **(ACTRICES Y ACTORES)** and which is the antithesis of deep creative selfless experience it's a little bit like the psychologist from the University of Chicago with his wonderful name **Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi** (Author)who was the the the founder of the **flow** principle flow as in flow, where he talked about one of the principles of optimal creative experience, which is another way of talking about flow is when self-consciousness Fades and time fades and a minute can be an hour or an hour a minute and you are into the experience in a deep way and you are not at all performing that activity whatever it is to be able to be noticed by anyone outside yourself other than doing your absolute best and enjoying and being in flow. NOW, the flow principle is being identified as one of the Hallmarks of success in life, when we can more and more be in flow. And My worry is that photographing and videoing children so much they **tend to live their life outside their skin,** outside themselves because they are so aware that they're being videoed and even when they're not being videoed they are still struggling to be in that deep creative space we’re lifting them out of flow Was watching a little girl in I was visiting a friend and I was watching their little daughter play and there was some big windows and she was playing with her trucks and with her dolls but she was watching herself play; very very noticeably throughout the entire at least half an hour or more she was observing herself playing and at times she would get up and move and do these little dance movements watching her reflection in the glass and then she would sit down again and she would make these rather exaggerated gestures of when she was moving a hand watching herself play and I noticed her play was very scattered, there was nothing really moving within her play, like one thing to another, and she never became absorbed in it because she was watching her image and that child had been photographed and photographs she is a cute little girl and she being photographed and video, so many times in her life that she now actually develop the habit of playing and ask him about a little bit so that: I know I know and she she will be upset if she can't play somewhere where she can’t observe herself in a reflection And she's a lovely mom but something that happened there something really not great it happened because that little one is not going to get the experience of deep creative decompression that's the path of a really fully in love with your own image and that's you know that's of course the narcissistic path, but it concerned me watching that **3\. the other aspect of continually photographing and videoing our children is is that they’re mixing up virtual life with real life.** That is similar to what I was talking about just now with this little girl but there’s even an SIGLAS for it: I**RL In Real Life versus IVL which is IN Virtual life** where I have an acronym for being in real life and.. you know when something has an acronym o siglas that it's becoming commonly used it something is up that we know it because so much of what's happening in our kids lives in society is in Virtual life we have to now have an acronym to describe in real life that this is happening in reality it puts me in mind of a child I saw once when I was far in the woods with my own children actually and Kathryn my wife and we were walking in the in the Redwood forests of California, a very special place of course, and there was a massive big falling redwood tree it really quite or awesome I mean it was just the tip of the size of this, and there was a child I'm guessing about 9 or 10 who was walking along it climbed up and was walking along this fallen giant and that you have many times the girth of it many times this child's size and completely captivated by this awesomeness and was feeling the bark with standing very quiet, quietly and just in this moment of reverence for nature and for the size and the beauty of of this tree. The parents pulled out their phones and started filming it and one of the parents called out and she looked she looked a little girl that the twelve-year-old 10 11 12 year old looked up and just deflated her shoulder , sunk Looked up and just deflated her shoulders, she just sunk that look of awe and reverence was wiped from her face and she said **go ahead go on; take a video, because if there's no video it never happened, right?** and so she stood there in this disappointed slightly fresh I got to confess way; she was so tired of being videoed and then she looked over and said: Are you done? and then they said: yes honey but could you just walk to the end just walk to the end a little slower…” and it was as if she was on a catwalk, on some fashion show and the parents unwittingly good people I'm sure but they had unwittingly turn this child's walk along a giant Redwood with all the awesomeness of that into a fashion catwalk where the child was being filmed and very aware of being filmed; so the child then just turned around and just walked away and just walked off and then walked into the woods and just wanted to get away from being photographed. And filmed. That image is really that came up for me very strongly when I watch the parenting Paparazzi at this at this graduation recently **what can we actually do and how do we how** do we pull thing back in that is going on so much now: one of the ways I think that we can begin to get a hold of this is firstly in almost a this through 1. **Consciousness** has to say I'm going to stop doing this so much I do not need so many photographs, like literally hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, maybe even thousands, because we no longer have to be careful with the what pictures we take, because they're expensive and we have to go off to the to the inner to the photographs or whatever and have them developed and let you know that cost to attend 12 $15 or whatever **now it's free** and part of the issue is that and what we got to do to help is to say to ourselves you know the photographs I'm taking 2. **Designar a un fotógrafo del evento\!** Te has dado cuento de que cuando tomas una foto, las fotos NUNCA se ven tan lindas como la realidad. Ver la vida, todo el tiempo a través de la lente… te pierdes de algo, te pierdes del momento y de la vida misma. No queda en tu alma ese recuerdo de verlo romper la piñata, porque estabas esperando el momento perfecto y te olvidaste de ESTAR PRESENTE. Estaba tu teléfono o tu cámara… pero tu presencia es diferente, de alguna manera, la cámara te separa, te vuelve un testigo lejano, se rompe la conexión desde el corazón. Designen a alguien que no esté tan involucrado sentimentalmente 3. **I am actually going to develop a photograph album. I'm** going to limit myself to taking fewer photographs and of much fewer videos, as opposed to having a real photograph album in their hands. do you remember having a photograph album in your hands and flipping through those well-known photographs and smiling and having that photograph album being there on the coffee table. Only 3 or 4 but that was because we were taking photographs with a camera and getting them getting them developed and I wonder if that's a way to start rationalizing is it first of all we we we get away from Screens taking pictures and only being able to view on a screen and when the picture is taken immediately you turn the phone to them and show themselves in the activity that they were doing, and they stopped to look at themselves in what they were doing past tense I mean honestly it's a little bit bizarre what about going going well forward I think it's back going forward to having photograph albums again limiting the number of times we take photographs what about even one mom was saying to me she's even going back to not using her phone so the phone doesn't become this could have great altar that is great service monolithic presents and everything is used for she said she wants a digital camera but she's going back to using a digital camera and that way you know she packs it because she knows they'll be moments it she'll take photographs of but it's not every last little detail what about we go back to having photograph album so go forward to having photograph albums but we week has very easy of course to develop digital photographs and we put something in the hands of our children over the years we develop these volumes that the children can pull off the shelves when they're older they can show their own children they are not digital they become they become **EVR** they become a little bit more in real life: you can touch them you can feel them you can turn the page they're real they´re much much more real than a digital image on a phone or a screen and they become a treasure, they become a real treasure of the family most of all what im hoping is that we can start to get over the spell that that the availability of of taking photographs and posting them here and then there and then … we're just having them on our phones I hope we can get out of that sort of that that that should have been New Normal of doing this; start to rationalize it start to have something **be a little bit special about a photograph** and my thought in wrapping up this particular podcast today is **what is rare is precious** right we we know that what is rare is precious so what about we make photographs rare, and so in doing that, we make them we make them precious Disfruten su Navidad, tomen fotos… con conciencia No hace falta andar con el teléfono en la mano todo el tiempo Anticipa y prevee las pantallas en esta Navidad Planea actividades sin pantallas y también infórmales a los otros padres sobre tus deseos y esperanzas para una Navidad sin pantallas… o con menos pantallas. Ver una película no cuenta en este caso como pantalla. Finalmente, Quiero agradecer a mi maravilloso equipo técnico, las ingenieras Karen Salgado y Ángeles Bravo, y su equipo de trabajo por todo lo que hemos hecho este año, desde nuestra presencia en redes, nuestro website, hasta los posters que anuncian nuestro programa en vivo de cada lunes…. sin ustedes EPP no sería posible\!\! Y a todos ustedes, queridos padres, díganme, QUE temas les interesan, que necesitan, para qu lo poddamos incluir Gracias a todas las mamás que nos han dado sus ideas y peticiones, siempre buscamos la manera de apoyarles y servirles mejor, en este espacio que existe solo por ustedes Les deseamos a todos que tengan una feliz y bendecida temporada, y que el nuevo año 2022 nos vuelva a reunir en nuestro camino para ser siempre mejores seres humanos para poder dar lo mejor de nosotros a nuestros niños\! Nos vemos en enero\!